12 January 2005
I (don’t necessarily) want to be alone (but I could survive it)

Jackie on relationships:

...most people who think and say that they’re after a romantic partnership are really after a parent. They haven’t given up the desire to be parented the way they wish they had been as a child, and they look to their partners to do the things they wish their parents had done: praise them, love them, and meet their needs. As the therapist quoted in the article says, adults meet their own needs, they don’t look for someone else to do it. And when these people break up with their partners because they don’t meet all their needs and read their minds, they end up feeling like abandoned children.

She says this isn’t new but it’s new to me.  And I think it’s right.


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  1. It’s only new to you because you haven’t wasted lots of time reading about relationships and trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with people.

    Posted by Jackie D on 12 January 2005 at 08:32pm

  2. Sounds more like someone trying to justify their criticism of an ex-partner after a failed relationship.


    Posted by Euan Gray on 13 January 2005 at 12:48am

  3. I know from sociobiology that a person’s attractions are partly influenced by their opposite-sex parent. The difference is that men are inclined to look for women who look as their mother did when they were little boys. Women look more for men as their fathers are now.

    Posted by Peter on 15 January 2005 at 07:57am

  4. Heh, fancy that: Peter mentioning sociobiology…

    In any case, I have never been able to figure out the deal on girls looking for guys who look like their fathers. Of myself and the women I know, none of us have ended up with guys who look like our fathers. (Indeed, I can’t even say that any of us have shown any kind of consistency in the appearance of the guys we’ve dated.)

    That said, most of the girls I know do have a daddy complex.

    Posted by Jackie on 19 January 2005 at 03:15am

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